Sometimes I don’t know if I really love myself. I allow people in my life and pretend that I won’t care if they’d leave right away. It’s like saying, “Oh hey. I want you to stay but I’m not saying anything cause i’m acting cool and it’s nothing, right?” When in fact, they actually make me happy and hurt me, as well. I feel like I’m giving them a chance to hurt me just to feel that I’m special even for just a moment. When will the time come that a person wouldn’t just pass by and give me his permanent attention?
He tweeted if he could call anyone at the moment. And the urge. Oh the urge to tweet back, “Me! Me! You can call me. I ain’t doing anything. And I want to listen to you.”
But I can’t. It would be too awkward.
The percentage of rejection in the seen zone way would be 90 to 10. I couldn’t go through that again.
I’m passed that.
I guess I’ll just leave it to Tin and the Hommies. It’s their friend anyway.
For some reason, I still want to be that person whom you miss. Whom you’re “hugot-ing” about. Whom you’re having problems with. Whom you’re feeling depressed about. Whom you want to be with.
It couldn’t be me because ours was just a fling. We just saw each other around last year. But I felt that it was something real 8 weeks ago.
It couldn’t be me because you like somebody else. You like a lot of people.
It couldn’t be me because I was just another girl who you flirted with.
It couldn’t be me because I am nothing.
My eyes wonders around if it would see you. Telling myself that I hope I don’t. But in truth, I want to.
My stomach crumbles whenever I thought I saw you. Or whenever I feel that you’re around. It’s like, I have this detector inside of me that goes crazy whenever I feel you.
Don’t mistaken that I’m not over you.
It’s just that.
I want to feel that I really meant something to you. Because you meant something to me.
I hope you could read this. I wish you could read this. I want you to read this.
But I don’t have the guts to do so.
So I’ll just do what I’ve been doing.
Wait until all of this fades… and be forgotten.